Giving revolution
Kim Anderson explores how public anger can be used to promote private good.
Illustration by Erick M Ramos.
Jackie Clark wants a revolution. Online, she can be sweary, direct and unafraid to tell people what’s what. In person, at the South Auckland McDonald’s where I meet her, she’s similarly no-fuss, tough, and stubborn as hell (“I’m a Taurus, love”). She’s the same online and offline, no mean feat in today’s digital age. What you see is what you get. This makes her particularly great at what she does at her charitable organisation, The Aunties. Over cold drinks, we chat about anger, giving, and what motivates her to keep at a job that’s both challenging and the most sustaining and fulfilling thing she’s ever done.
As a child, Jackie says her father called her “stroppy” and she regularly told her mother to go away. She knew even then how she wanted to spend her time and was clear about it. Jackie is also incredibly warm, generous, funny and full of aroha (te reo Maori for ‘love’).
Talking about her work and the women she supports instantly makes her teary – it's disarming to see the vulnerability of this fierce woman. While Jackie will defend her girls like a mama bear, and will shout down misogyny, ignorance and injustice online and in the street (she once flashed a men’s rights activist at a women’s march to shut him up), it’s really love that keeps her going.
“While Jackie will defend her girls like a mama bear and will shout down misogyny, ignorance and injustice online and in the street, it's really love that keeps her going.”
Jackie is a busy woman. She’s ‘Aunty-in-Charge’ at The Aunties, where she’s constantly organising, delivering, shopping, meeting and posting to social media. Through her work, she offers practical and emotional support to women who have lived in or are living in domestic violence. It’s a job she created for herself but never planned, the consequence of seeing a need, her practical personality, and the death of a close friend. She quickly became acquainted with how activity, distraction and love can be a healing balm. Jackie has a clear and simple goal when it comes to The Aunties: “Get my girls their stuff.” Without judgement but with love. And that’s exactly what she does, through the aid of social media and roughly two hundred ‘aunties,’ both men and women, who consistently provide money, time, and stuff to her girls. It could be groceries, new clothes or a rare trip to a cafe – whatever they need, Aunty Jackie will try to find.
It’s a different kind of giving, I think, to what we’re used to. It’s direct, and practical, and without strings. You might argue that all charitable giving is like this, but often certain expectations still attach themselves to a gift, particularly the idea that ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ – that there should be gratitude for what’s given, an expectation that you will be thanked. Jackie enthusiastically (and regularly) raises a metaphorical and literal middle finger to this attitude. Online, she’s direct and emphatic about what her girls need and the state that items should arrive in (“If you wouldn’t happily give it to a friend, don’t give it to us”). She admits to chucking out mountains of donated clothes because they smell musty or are in poor condition. In a radio interview, she once stated: “I throw out so many clothes every year because people don’t understand what giving with love really is.” She’s unapologetic and sees a lot of anger when people disagree with her – not that she cares: “You’re not really angry, no. If you were, you’d do something about it rather than sitting at your computer.” She tells me later: "These women aren’t statistics. They’re real people with real stories, and they deserve nice things.” To people who want to tell her how to do her job or, the cardinal sin, pass judgement on her girls, she says: “Get in your lane.” For women who have already experienced so much violence, Jackie is clear: “These girls need love and care, and one of the ways you can show that most effectively is by giving them the stuff that’s really nice.”
Anger, for Jackie, is not a negative emotion – it’s a motivation. But she’s thrifty with it. “If I can’t do anything to help, I won’t spend emotional energy on it.” So she's laser-focused on the material and emotional state of the 25-30 women she works with. The women, who are either referred to her or self-refer through Facebook, also dictate their relationship with Jackie, and it takes a long time to earn their trust. “The problem with violence,” Jackie tells me, “and I’m not talking [just] physical violence - emotional, psychological, verbal – it takes a lifetime to heal from that stuff.” She’ll talk, laugh and cry with these women. She walks alongside them - tough but rewarding work. And here another difference arises - this isn’t work for Jackie. “I’ve had a very privileged life, but the greatest privilege is being a part of these women’s lives.”
At the end of the day, Jackie really wants a Revolution of Giving – giving without politics, agenda, or conditions. She’s personally seen the impact that giving with love can have on a person’s self-esteem. “When people are given crap, and not what they need, they feel like crap. And when they feel like crap already, I believe that the poor quality of what’s been given to them compounds their pain, and does them more damage. I’ve seen it. And I’ve also seen - seen it every day – the restorative and healing power of things that are given with heart, care and thoughtfulness.”
The Aunties stands out by meeting specific needs with love. Jackie has been acknowledged publicly for it through awards like the Supreme Award at the 2018 Women of Influence Awards, and the Queen’s Service Medal in the New Year. In classic Jackie fashion, she commented on her winning the Supreme Award as “a bit strange.” However, she welcomes any platform to be a voice for the women that she works with. “I speak with their voice,” she tells me. It’s a privilege and a responsibility she handles with care and love. She loves fiercely, gives without judgement, and speaks directly from the heart. With Jackie, what you see is what you get.
Dedicated to Ian, Jackie’s much beloved husband, friend and vocal supporter.
